Loved Again
by Ireth Melwasul
Summary: Emma talks to Neal about his departure. Emma talks to Mary Margaret about Henry. Emma talks to Kilian about them. But in the end, all she wants is their happines and to make them feel like they're loved. And in the process, to feel like she is loved too.


Mary Margaret placed her hand softly on her daughter's back, rubbing it slightly between her shoulder blades. Emma surprisingly arched toward her touch, wordlessly asking for more of the sweet caresses. Her mother obliged happily; after their return from Neverland her relationship with her mother had been full of ups and downs, ever since Mary Margaret declared she wanted another baby Emma couldn't help but feel unwanted again… as if she wasn't enough. Deep down she was aware of that, her parents could love her, but she was not what they wanted. So Emma avoided them every once in a while, especially Mary Margaret… especially since they found out she was pregnant.

Somehow the weight of the world that had fallen off of her shoulders when they got Henry back and defeated Pan seemed to be on her again after that announcement. Everyone in freaking Storybrooke was excited and happy for her parents, and at the same time they looked at her with concern, as if she was the five year old who's about to have a baby brother or sister and they're not sure how she's going to take it. Truth was she actually didn't know; she was happy and she felt betrayed. After so many years of loneliness she had finally met her parents, she was somehow building a good relationship with them… and now this new baby was going to have everything she ever wanted effortlessly. Emma hated herself for feeling like that, but she couldn't help it. And now more than ever she couldn't handle it.

That morning she talked to Neal and headed back to her apartment. Seconds later, after closing the door, she started to cry spontaneously and Henry spotted her curled up in a corner, he made her move to the kitchen and forced her to sit and drink a glass of water, and then he disappeared. Maybe he was the one who'd called Mary Margaret, because soon after his departure her mother had shown up. Maybe Henry sensed that whatever reason she had to cry was something that could not be discussed with him.

Emma really didn't feel like talking to her though, so she kept quiet, her mother had started to rub her back in reassurance –and she loved how it felt, it soothed her a little– and Emma knew she was going to have to let it out sooner or later, and right now Mary Margaret was the only person she felt comfortable enough with to do such a thing.

"Neal's going back to New York…" Emma said and then took a small sip of water. She was no longer crying but her voice was still a little cracked.

"Oh…" she wasn't expecting her Mary Margaret to say something clever and nice, but she sure as hell had been expecting more than just an "Oh". Emma shrugged and continued to talk "I'm not crying because he's leaving, I'm just worried about Henry" she explained. She heard her mother sigh in relieve.

"I'm sure they'll keep in touch, Emma. It's not like he's abandoning him" the tone in her voice was soft and tender, but Emma couldn't help but look at Mary Margaret as if she just had said something rude.

"That's exactly what he's doing…" Emma felt electricity running through her veins, the heat of anger and pain spreading all over her as she finally stood up and started to pace back and forth in the kitchen "he would've kept himself away from me if I hadn't gone to New York to find him. He was fucking engaged, and yet he still vowed to love me. He went to Neverland to rescue Henry not only because he's his son, but because he thought there was a probability of getting me back throughout the whole process, I'm sure of that, don't you dare to tell me I'm wrong. But now, now that he knows that I want closure and that what he and I used to have is no longer something I want… he leaves" Mary Margaret kept her eyes on her, paying attention to her every move and word.

"You don't want him to feel the same way you did…" her mother stated. Emma could feel the remorse in her voice; it was not new to any of them that Emma didn't want Henry to endure the same things she had and neither was the guilt both of her parents felt, but yet again she was done caring about that matter.

"No, I don't want him to feel like his father is abandoning him," Emma said, and then without thinking it twice, she decided to kill another bird with the same bullet "like he's not enough."

Emma could easily admit she was being a selfish bitch at the moment, but hell she was hurt and she'd been holding back those feelings for two freaking months. Now that she has managed to talk about everything that's bothering her, why should she keep holding back? Why stop now?

Mary Margaret seemed to take the hint. Now they were talking about two different but yet similar subjects; for both of their comfort they made a silent agreement to keep things in Henry's terms as they discussed Emma's feelings in the way.

"Emma, I'm sure Neal love's Henry…" Emma interrupted "Then why isn't he a reason enough for him to stay?"

Her mother sighed.

"I'm not trying to justify him, but come on… His relationship with Gold isn't exactly the best one, you moved on… He has no one apart from Henry, and Henry has a bunch of people who love him in this town, just as much as they love you. It would surprise me if you wanted to leave because you have every reason to stay," Mary Margaret dedicated Emma a little smile "but he doesn't. Out of ten reasons, he has only one. And I'm sure Henry wouldn't mind going to New York every once in a while" then her smile widened.

Emma stared at her mother for thirty seconds or more, processing that point of view, that piece didn't exactly fit in her puzzle but she acknowledged it made sense.

"I'm not the voice of reason here, I'm just saying…" said Mary Margaret, attempting to break the awkward silence between them when Emma snapped back to reality and cut her off "No, no, you're right. It's sort of disappointing, but you're right. I won't force him to stay… Sometimes I forget Henry can handle almost everything, but I wish," Emma sighed " I wish I could save him the pain and the confusion, I know he's going to say he's okay with it but at the same time he's going to be wondering why."

"Darling, you can't do everything for everyone. That's something Henry and Neal themselves need to discuss, only the two of them. I know you're concerned but, please don't take this wrong way, this time you can't save anyone. Things are finally falling into place, now we just have to accommodate and try to get our happy ending… even if we try for the thousandth time. The responsibilities you've been carrying on have been finally lifted off of you. "

Then it finally hit her. She was no longer the savior; she was just Emma Swan again. For the first time since she arrived to Storybrooke things didn't depend entirely on her, and if she wanted to be completely honest, it was odd.

Emma nodded in agreement though; once upon a time she had wanted to be free and to be happy, her chance was finally here. Holding on to the grief voluntarily was stupid and it was exactly what she'd been doing since they returned –except for the few glimpses of pure joy she'd had.

"I'm sorry" she said finally. As the words left her mouth she felt tears coming up again. Damn! She didn't want to cry again.

"Why are you apologizing?" Emma leaned against the marble counter and tried to control the tears that seemed to keep falling despite her efforts. Mary Margaret stood up and approached her, embracing her as soon as she was close enough to do so "Because I've been awful to you and David, especially you. I'm happy but… It's just too much…" she hugged her mother in return then.

"It's okay, Emma. We understand, we know it's not easy. We never really stopped to talk about it, back then you were focused on Henry and that –the baby thing–may not have mattered much, but now… I'm sorry I didn't try to do this before. I was a little afraid too," Mary Margaret said "your opinion matters a lot to us."

The warmth in her mother's voice ended the turmoil inside her head and Emma finally relaxed. She slowly let go of her mother and dedicated her a lopsided grin.

"Thank you," she said and shook her shoulders "you know? Neal's taking Tinker Bell with him" the sentence came out with a rather mocking tone, Emma smiled and Mary Margaret couldn't help but look at Emma with an incredulous stare.

"Is he?"

"Indeed he is. You have to be kidding to say you didn't see the spark between them just after our return from the Dark Hollow" Emma had known the second they exchanged glances; Tink's eyes lit up with something Emma could recognize in herself when she looked in the mirror now… the hope a new love provided, a new love she hadn't been taking care of because she'd been too busy with her own family issues "I honestly hope it works out for them… if there's something. He deserves to be happy after all"

"Yes he does," Mary Margaret stated "and so do you. Just before I came here, I ran into Hook. He was about to enter when I told him he better wait a little… If there's nothing else you'd like to talk about, I think it's time for you to go and see if he's still waiting outside" Emma felt a tight knot forming in her stomach; she nodded and then walked to the bathroom to check how much of a mess she could look like. She'd been crying a lot that day, so she decided to put on some makeup before going out and exposing herself to the rest of the world. When she was content enough with her hair, she threw on her jacket and exited her apartment, saying goodbye to her mother during the way out. When she got outside there was no one around, she guessed he'd gone back to the Jolly Roger so she headed to the docks, hoping she would find him there.

In the two months that had passed since their return, the first one had been full of happiness and romance. They had been sort of dating… they also had kissed more than once and she was totally fine with it, she loved having him around. But the second month was when Mary Margaret told her she was pregnant, it was when all the hurt from the echo cave came rushing back in and it was also when she held on to all of the pain that she'd left behind… It had been the time when Emma had decided to dig in the past and stay in that pit ever since. It wasn't because she didn't trust him or care about him, because she did… but she had shut him out. One day they'd been laughing happily at her living room and at the next one she ditched him on their date. They exchanged a few words since then, Hook had tried to talk to her but she hadn't been interested.

Seriously, what kind of man would love a woman who's constantly having such emotional changes? Even she was done with her own personal rants; she was tired of playing the number of the heartbroken girl without a family. She wasn't interested in getting his life full of the crap she was into right now.

When she reached the docks she spotted him on deck, looking at the sea. Emma got on board and silently approached him, when she was near enough she circled her arms around his waist and rested her head between his shoulder blades. Hook flinched a little, she guessed it was because he hadn't heard her coming at all and she had taken him by surprise, but once he recognized it was her the tension left his body and he relaxed in her embrace.

"Have you finally returned from that Dark Hollow of yours, love?" he asked without turning around. Emma was grateful for that, she owned him a hell of an apology and she got nervous when his eyes were fixed on her.

"I am, and I'm sorry… I didn't mean to–" she didn't know what to say next. Then Hook turned around in her arms, she softened her grip a little to allow him to move and set some space between them. The look in his eyes was bittersweet "I know you didn't mean to…" he said "but you shouldn't have. Emma, all I'm asking for you is to let me in the world you've built around, that's all" his hand came to her face and then to her hair, entangling his fingers in a golden strand of hair.

"And you're in. Believe me, you are. But you better than anyone here know that after spending such a long time building walls and being alone, well, sometimes you forget you're not alone anymore… that you can actually rely on someone," Emma made a short pause "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm just babbling but I've spent the whole day exposing my feelings and apologizing and… it's new."

Hook smiled at her then and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Emma shut her eyes close and inhaled the scent of his chest before resting her head against it.

"I just didn't want to drag you to hell with me, that's all" she finally said.

"You've been dragging me to hell since the day we met," Hook said; Emma could hear the smile on his voice as he recalled the memory, she was smiling too "you're lucky that before that day everything had been a bloody inferno for me, love. And the kind of hell you've been dragging me to looks a lot more like Heaven" then he motioned for her to come out of her hideout, once she was looking into his eyes again he leaned forward to her "if you let me, Emma, I'll stop you from feeling like that again."

Emma didn't wait for him to cut the distance between them, she did it herself, pressing her lips to his with tenderness. The world around them slipped away as they kissed, it was like whenever their lips met they found a place where they both belonged perfectly. She broke away slowly, staring into his deep blue eyes as she did.

"I love you" she said finally. The words had wanted to leave her mouth in more than just one occasion, but it was now when it actually felt right to say them. She could see the storm brewing in his eyes, she smiled because she was having that same tornado making her heart beat wildly, making the last of her walls tumble down.

Killian stood there, searching her eyes to check she was not under any spell.

"I mean it," Emma repeated to reassure him "I am in love with you, Captain Jones" Killian raised his hand to cup her cheek and leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers. Emma could hear his shallow breathing, and she smiled. They stayed just like that, she was glad he didn't say he loved her back; she had never been one to like corny responses and she was already aware he loved her, his lack of response and sort of agitated physical state made the moment a lot more romantic to her.

Emma couldn't imagine what it would've been like to him; losing so many people… his brother, Milah, even Baelfire –Neal, she corrected herself. Maybe he'd felt he was losing her too, like everything they shared was just a temporary state due to Neverland and post-Neverland magic. He had lost so much while in the meantime she had slowly been gaining people back into her life, and Emma wanted the exact same thing for Killian, just as much as she never wanted Henry to feel alone and unwanted again. She was determined to make him feel all the love he deserved, because he sure as hell had fought for it.


End file.
